Blog Update Blog

 It occurs to me that I haven't updated my blog lately, so I'm updating my blog to say that I have no updates to my blog.

Do people even blog anymore? I certainly don't. It's all podcasts, Snapchat and Deliveroo, or so my young friends tell me. 

Well, friend - singular. His name is Maurice. I say 'young'. He's actually 47, but he moisturises. 

He's not actually a friend, strictly speaking. More of an acquaintance. Well, he works for me. 

He's not even an employee, to be entirely accurate. 

I sacked him two years ago for certain pecuniary irregularities. I never liked him. Always struck me as rather odd. Muttered to himself a lot. Wrote in a little book. But he did smell nice.

He kept turning up for work months after being let go, asking for holiday pay and shouting at me about UFOs, devil worshippers, Michael Gove and so on and so forth.

There's a restraining order now. 

I miss Maurice.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Ten years. I've been doing this blog for ten years.

What a waste of time.

Roger Quimbly Looks Into...

2018 is the year of the podcast, apparently.
So I'm doing a blog.

All the kids are doing it, bruv. Although I’m not a kid, obviously, otherwise this would all be in textspeak and emojicunts. And I could do that, but I don't want to alienate my non-trendy older readers :) LOL
Now don't get me wrong, I've nothing against modern technology. I think it's marvellous. In fact I'm writing this on a word processor as we speak. It's the very latest Amstrad. Now there's a young man who leads the way. Mr Lord Alan Sugar. Real get up and go. Reminds me of me in many ways. Until I look in the mirror. The man's got a face like a walnut's scrotum. No, wait. That's me. Must start moisturising.

It seems to me that many young people have lost their way and need guidance. The guidance of someone with life experience and the wisdom that comes with years. A mentor or figurehead to look up to. A cool, sensible older brother-type role model if you will. Someone who will let them know that they're understood and not just seen as stereotypes. Someone who isn't the typical narrow-minded adult to let them know that there's more to life than skateboarding, voting Labour and taking heroin.

So here I am, in cyber form (not a robot, it’s a modern computer term for the internetty e-things) to lead the way out of the wilderness of modern life and give some clear-thinking advice .... I seem to have lost my thread. Where was I?
Yes.
Blogging.

I’m going to blog relentlessly on issues of the day and show everyone who's anyone what’s what and who's who, where, why and when, then give you what for.
Each time I’ll be looking at an important issue that affects (not impacts) people’s day to day lives and giving you a hard-hitting and iconoclastic guide to getting out of the morass of muddle-headed nonsense that passes for thinking these days.

So, sign up today!

I hope you’ll join me.


Your pal

Roger Quimbly

Extracts From My Diary

JANUARY 1 1966

Mummy bought me this brand new diary for Christmas. It’s a jolly nice, leather-bound one, and she says that I should write in it with the fountain pen that Grandma Quimbly bought for me on my last birthday (the one that I had to have removed from my nose after the joined-up handwriting accident).

Mummy says I should use this diary to write down all of my adventures and dreams and wishes and things. So I shall. 

Happy New Year!

JANUARY 2

Bored.

JANUARY 3

Bored.

JANUARY 4

BORED BORED BORED!!!!!!

FORTY-SIX YEARS LATER….

NOVEMBER  12 2012

Picked up this old diary. How things have changed. What a lazy child I was.  I clearly had no application as a youngster. No drive. No focus.  I’m going to start keeping this diary again, and if nothing else will show my younger self how it’s done and the kind of thrusting, driven, successful man that I’ve become.

NOVEMBER 13

Bored.

Reflections On Objections To Public Breast Feeding (after Ogden Nash)

Some folks

have an issue

with adipose

tissue. 

Who Reads Blogs?

You do. 

How not to cause offence on Twitter

Follow these simple rules and never offend anyone on Twitter ever again.*

Do NOT make jokes about:

1) People

2) Animals

3) Vegetables

4) Minerals

5) Sex

6) Religion

7) Illness

8) Idiots

9) Grammar

10) Jokes

11) Lists

12) One Direction

13) Anything else.


Happy tweeting!


*Not a legally binding guarantee

Comment Piece: The Life And Death Of Margaret Thatcher.

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